Sometimes happiness can seem like a stretch—for us, and even for our children. The stresses of daily life, going out in the morning, managing the household, coordinating schedules, as well as more serious issues, including preoccupation with the world’s problems, can all take their toll on us as adults. With children’s mental health issues on the rise, we know it takes a toll on our children too.
And yet, despite the hardships, happiness is still attainable and essential to well-being and resilience. Studies on the well-being of adults shows that there are certain steps we can take to develop and nurture happiness.
As James Baraz writes, joy is “a general sense of life and well-being characterized by meeting life’s ups and downs with authenticity and perspective.”
Based on our work with children, we know that this is true for them as well. It can be as simple as enjoying a hug, being charmed by a ladybug, or giggling at a cloud shape. These simple pleasures can be small moments of joy for our children and for us—and they can be part of raising happy children who will be resilient, even during normal ups and downs.
Not denying the difficulties, but opening up the possibilities
When we talk about raising happy children, we’re not talking about “happiness” as a fleeting feeling that’s a response to good or fun things. We do not suggest pushing difficulties aside, but instead developing the ability to contain them along with our well-being. As James Baraz writes in Awakening of joy, joy is “a general sense of life and well-being characterized by meeting life’s ups and downs with authenticity and perspective.”
We imagine a happy child as one who develops a sense of ease with himself, who often sees and enjoys the good around him and within him.
Happiness is not a goal or something to be achieved, but something that Chang Meng Tan, Author Search within yourselfdefines as “a profound sense of prosperity arising from an exceptionally healthy mind.”
We imagine a happy child as one who develops a sense of ease with himself, who often sees and enjoys the good around him and within him.
Studies The Center for Healthy Minds shows that wellness can be learned. There are several evidence-based perspectives that offer practical ideas for cultivating happiness.
In particular, Project Resilience Hugh Van Kuylenburg focuses on gratitudeempathy and mindfulness to support resilience and happiness. The Project “Action for happiness”. has a similar focus and lists mindfulness, gratitude, and kindness as core skills. U Hardwiring happinessRick Hanson adds to this list and emphasizes the importance of bending your mind or finding happiness and then accepting it.
Raising happy children starts with building well-being skills together
Here are three fun activities based on this framework to try with your child.
Bending the Mind and Putting It to Practice: The Glow Stick
Blinking, made up Deb Danathese are small moments of peace, security and happiness.
Cut out, decorate and glue the star onto a popsicle stick or other stick. You can write “catch glimpses” on the star. Talk about sparklers and use the wand to “talk” to spotting and enjoying sparklers that day. You can also wave them over your head as people share their sparkles and how they feel.
The the brain has a negative slope. By pausing to look for glimpses, we can train our brains to notice and enjoy pleasure more often.
Practicing Gratitude: The Gratitude Sandwich
Children can draw and cut out pictures of five things or people they are grateful for as sandwich toppings.
- Cut two pieces of sandwich bread paper.
- Glue one piece of “bread” to the top and one to the bottom of the poster.
- Insert the filling between the bread (or on the velcro, so it’s interchangeable).
- Write a thank you sandwich on the “bread” and “I’m grateful for…”.
- Leave the sandwich out in plain sight and use it as a conversation starter about gratitude.
Dr. Robert Emmons of the University of California, Davis found that feeling grateful can take our nervous system out of the stress response. Giving children a visual connection to things that foster gratitude can help strengthen the body-brain connection and develop positive neural pathways.
Cultivating happiness can be quite simple if we focus on it, even when things are difficult. To stop to notice and accept the good, feel gratitude and connect with others empathy and kindness in the tiny moments of our day can make a real difference.
Connecting Practice: Links of Love
Have the child think of five people who make him feel loved or happy.
- String beads for each person onto a pipe cleaner.
- Twist the ends together so the beads don’t fall out. These are links of love.
- Let them touch one bead each and remember a special person.
- Breathe in, soaking in their love, and breathe out, offering them love in return.
- Encourage them to notice how they feel. Love ties can be attached to a backpack, worn on the wrist, or left in plain sight.
Especially if a child is feeling lonely or insecure, having a physical anchor can remind them that they are worthy and loved.
Setting your focus on happiness
Cultivating happiness can be quite simple if we focus on it, even when things are difficult. Pausing to notice and embrace the good, feeling grateful, and connecting with others with empathy and kindness in the tiny moments of our day can really make a difference.
Fun hands-on activities like the ones above can help both adults and children lean toward happiness and create space for more joy in our lives.
You would like more support forming habits your child’s well-being and resilience? Try out our new deck of cards that will be available on April 21st. Let’s grow happiness includes 50 activity cards to help children develop gratitude, self-compassion and emotional regulation skills.
