Most people imagine alcoholics drunk passed out on park benches clutching an empty bottle in a paper bag. But some alcoholics have good jobs, nice homes, and stable family lives. Outwardly, they do not experience problems with alcohol. These are high-functioning alcoholics.
Their drunkenness is difficult to notice, because it does not interfere with their lives. And if you comment on their drinking, they will justify their drinking with the following excuses.
17 phrases an active alcoholic will say to justify their drinking
What is a high-functioning alcoholic?
A typical high-functioning, middle-aged, well-educated alcoholic with a stable job, partner, and family life.
They do not all follow the same drinking regime. They may limit drinking to certain situations or times. For example, some may drink alone, others will always drink in social gatherings, some may drink every night, and others may drink on weekends.
Whatever their drinking habits are, they are addicted to alcohol but give the impression that it is under control and will use various excuses to justify their use.
- “I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink on weekends.”
- “I worked so hard today. I deserve a drink.”
- “Oh, relax, it’s just a couple of beers.”
- “I don’t get hangovers, so I obviously don’t drink too much.”
- “It just relaxes me, okay?”
- “That’s my only fault.”
- “I don’t drink every day, so what’s the problem?”
- “I never drink when I work, only when I’m done for the day.”
- “It’s my way of letting off steam.”
- “It’s not like I’m drinking cheap crap.”
- “End of the week. Why don’t I have a drink?”
- “I had a busy day today so I had a drink to relax.”
- “Everybody drinks in the office, but I don’t?”
- “When have you seen me drunk?”
- “It doesn’t affect my work, so why are you complaining?”
- “I’m not an alcoholic, I just like the taste.”
- “You smoke, why can’t I have a drink?”
Examples of high-functioning alcoholics:
- A partner who won’t have dinner with you because it kills the booze.
- A weekend bar colleague always shows up for work on Monday.
- My wife always has a few glasses of wine for dinner.
- An employee holds a bottle of whiskey in the car.
- The family member who always says he’s had just one drink when he’s had several.
- A friend who won’t come to an event if there’s no alcohol.
- This husband always has “a few” for lunch.
- Every day the teacher starts with a few vodkas.
- This friend can never have “just one beer”.
- The father who knows every liquor store in town.
- The life and soul of the party always has a drink in hand.
How to talk to an alcoholic with a high standard of living
A high-functioning alcoholic may not realize or admit that they have a problem, but it is obvious to their friends, family members, and colleagues that they are drinking too much.
You may have tried to talk to this person and heard the excuses highlighted above. You may have even made sure their alcohol is under control. But deep down you know it isn’t.
If you’re reading this, I suspect you want to help but don’t know how to approach this topic. After all, this is a delicate matter and they may not want to admit that they have a problem. Here’s how to approach the problem.
Remember to always speak with kindness and compassion. Focus on the problem, not the person. Choose a private place where you can be open and honest, and a time when you know they will be sober.
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Tell them you support them
Start by saying that you love and support them, but you are concerned about their drinking and what will happen if they continue to drink.
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Tell me how worried you are about the future
Acknowledge the fact that they have a job, a partner, and a stable home life, but you’re concerned about how their drinking will affect those things in the future.
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Show them how their drinking affects others
Let them know how they drinkthat affect people in their lives right now, even if they can’t see it.
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Be prepared for rejection, excuses, and even anger
They can defend themselves and say they are fine, so they don’t have a drinking problem. But encourage them to think about how they are dependent on alcohol.
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Have support group contacts close at hand
Give them contact information for support groups, treatment centers or counselors who specialize in alcoholism.
It is likely that this conversation will not end well and they will be upset or angry. This is not a problem that can be solved in one conversation. You will revisit this topic many times before an addict admits they have a problem or is ready to get help.
Let them know that once they’re ready to admit how much they’ve had to drink, you’ll be there to help.
Final thoughts
High-functioning alcoholics may not think they have a drinking problem. They will claim that they can work and run a family home without being affected by drinking too. And, like others, they do not associate drinking with alcoholism.
However, even active alcoholics eventually cease to function, so it is important that they resist drinking before harms their healthcareer and relationships.
Sub-editor and staff writer in Training the mind
Jenny Davis has been publishing online for over 10 years. She suffered from panic disorder for more than 30 years, prompting her to study and complete an honors degree in psychology at the Open University. Janey uses her experience of anxiety to offer help and advice to others dealing with mental health issues.
