How to find out if your daughter had it a narcissistic father? Parents play an important role in a child’s mental development, but what happens when a girl is raised by a narcissistic parent?
Narcissistic parents use their daughters to satisfy their unmet needs for attention, praise, and to boost their egos, but they also scapegoat to maintain his inflated image when things go wrong. Here are 10 symptoms of daughters of narcissistic parents.
10 symptoms of daughters of narcissistic parents
How positive or negative interactions affect children
How children develop self-esteem depends on whether they get positive or negative feedback from their parents. When a narcissistic father is happy, he will give positive feedback to his daughter, but it can make her feel self-conscious overrated.
When a narcissistic parent is unhappy, he gives her negative feedback and that can make her feel bad underrated. It is this feedback that affects her self-esteem, behavior and coping methods.
Let’s find out what happens when she receives positive feedback.
When a daughter receives positive feedback from a narcissistic father
1. Develops narcissistic tendencies
“Parents look happy when they are noticed in the crowd, also the child feels good when they are noticed.” F Jabin
Studies show that overestimating a child can cause narcissism in that child. This excessive admiration on the part of the parents makes the child think that they are surpasses others and forces them to form an unrealistic self-image. It is this false perception that leads to narcissistic tendencies.
It affects the daughters of narcissistic parents in romantic relationships. They become selfish and demanding, do not compromise with their partners; they only pursue their own interests and get upset when the focus is not on them.
2. Need external verification
Narcissists find no validation from within; they need external inspectioni.e. from other people or things. Children watch and imitate their fathers, and daughters quickly learn how material things, success, and admiration make their father happy.
Studies shows that this can affect their behavior in several ways: they may seek external praise and feel empty when they don’t receive it, or they think others need the same validation, which can lead to problems with emotional connection.
3. Becomes a controlling manipulator
When daughters grow up with a narcissistic father, they learn that it is okay to manipulate and deceive others. They see the charm of the father and use people without remorse.
As a result, they are able to read people and identify vulnerable targets. They discover a person’s weaknesses and use it to their advantage, playing on a person’s emotions or gas lighting them.
4. Competitive and perfectionist
Fathers often have a special bond with their daughters. We’ve all heard the term daddy’s girl. Daughters look up to their fathers, and if her father always demands perfection, she can develop her own competitive streak. She not only sees her father pleased when he succeeds, but she notices it her success also makes him happy.
All children want their parents’ attention and approval, but daughters especially want their parents to be proud of them.
5. Learn to hide your vulnerability
Narcissistic parents value success, attention, and praise. They don’t have or need an emotional connection with their daughters. In fact, they see vulnerability as a sign of weakness.
Girls with narcissistic parents try very hard to get their parents to notice them; however, they know their father frowns or ignores the answers, so they represses his emotions and create an impenetrable barrier. This affects future relationships where they find it difficult to open up or see vulnerability as weakness.
When a daughter receives negative feedback from a narcissistic father
1. Feels like she’s not nice/people-pleasing enough
Studies show that daughters of narcissistic parents often thrive low self-esteem. Narcissistic parents value their children for what they can do for their father, not for who they are.
If you don’t value yourself, it’s hard to stand up for your beliefs and desires. Your needs don’t matter. Because you are used to your father having all the attention, you become a people pleaser. You believe that everyone else is more important than you and that their happiness is your responsibility, so you put up with unacceptable behavior, ending up in a toxic relationship.
2. Anxious all the time
Narcissistic parents often choose their daughters to live on eggshells all the time. Studies show that children living in traumatic environments develop anxious brains. Their fight-or-flight response is easily triggered, meaning they can constantly feel threatened.
As a result, they become hypervigilant, prone to panic attacks and even develop phobias. This altered mental state is debilitating and can lead to depression or even suicidal thoughts.
3. Become an echologist
Rechaism is the opposite of narcissism. While the narcissist walks into a room and demands praise, admiration, and attention, the echoist avoids the limelight, preferring instead to repeat what the narcissist wants to hear.
Daughters of narcissistic parents have learned to control and monitor their father in order to gain his approval or avoid his wrath. Echoing their father, appears a fighting mechanism which deals with his ever-changing moods.
Echoists are sensitive to the moods and feelings of other people, often give more than they receive, and neglect their own needs. However, this constant erasure of her father’s emotions can be overwhelming and lead to empathic distress.
“… echoists are often quiet, unable to take a seat, or more likely to conform to the perceived wishes of others.”
Donna Cristina Saveri, author of Echoism: Silencing the Narcissistic Response
4. I have trust and intimacy issues
Narcissists are inconsistent and unpredictable in their actions, feelings, and words. It’s like having the rug pulled out from under you all the time. To cope with this ever-changing dynamic, daughters learn to expect mood swings and broken promises.
For this reason, they may have trouble trusting people and prefer to be involved shallow relationships to protect yourself. However, if you cannot create deep and meaningful connections, you become isolated, living alone.
5. Prone to addiction or mental illness
The last of my 10 symptoms of daughters of narcissistic parents has to do with living in a stressful environment. The effects of stress on children’s development are still being studied. But research showed that childhood trauma changes parts of the brain that deal with reward, decision making, neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, and the fight or flight center.
These changes do adults with childhood injuries more susceptible to addiction, destructive behavior, poor decision-making, and mental illness such as bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Characteristics of narcissistic parents
Narcissistic parents have the following characteristics that have a detrimental effect on their daughter’s development.
- They have an inflated positive self-image.
- They don’t care about other people’s feelings.
- They are charming but feisty.
- They require attention.
- They spend time doing what they like, but do not participate in family activities.
- They are emotionally unavailable to their children, but overreact when something small upsets them.
- They are selfish and preoccupied with their own needs.
- They do not respect other people’s boundaries.
- They show no interest in their children unless it benefits them.
- They are obsessed with status and image.
- They are manipulative and take advantage of others.
- They react aggressively to any criticism.
Final thoughts
Living with narcissistic parents causes catastrophic long-term mental damage to children from which they may never recover. I’ve only listed 10 symptoms of daughters of narcissistic parents, but that’s just the beginning.
You can’t change narcissistic behavior, so it’s alarming to think how many kids are living with horrible right now the effects of narcissistic abuse. however, you can get therapy and recover from parental abuse.
Sub-editor and staff writer in Training the mind
Jenny Davis has been publishing online for over 10 years. She suffered from panic disorder for more than 30 years, prompting her to study and complete an honors degree in psychology at the Open University. Janey uses her experience of anxiety to offer help and advice to others dealing with mental health issues.
