Overthinking every choice? Use this three-question Buddhist filter to make decisions with calmness and confidence

I can still remember standing in a bustling market in Chiang Mai long before I stumbled upon mindfulness on a warehouse floor in Melbourne. I froze in front of fifty almost identical mango stalls, going through all the possible variables in my mind: Which one was the cheapest? The most mature? The cutest? Will buying two be too much? Will this make me “that tourist” who wastes food?

A nearby tuk-tuk driver laughed. “Just pick one mate, a mango is a mango.”

And at that moment I realized something unpleasant: the paralysis was not from the mango. It was about my obsession with making every choice exactly right. Psychologists have a name for this thinking –maximization— exhausting pursuit of the ideal, even in situations that do not warrant it. The irony is that this constant mental overload often clouds the very clarity we strive for.

To be sure, modern self-help gives us tools — fan lists, decision matrices, timelines. But what helped me most was not something new. It was something ancient: a practice from Buddhist psychology known as the Three Gates of Right Speech. Monks use it to decide whether to speak, but I’ve found that it’s also good for getting rid of decision fatigue.

The Buddhist filter of three questions

1. Is this true?

“Of course it’s true – I have screenshots!”

This was my knee-jerk reaction when a team member questioned a change I wanted to make to one of our dashboards. But upon re-examination, the sharp drop in traffic I saw turned out to be nothing more than a weekend moment. If I were to act on that assumption, I’d be wasting hours—and probably pissing off a few people in the process.

That moment reminded me how easy it is to confuse anxiety with accuracy. In Buddhism, View on the right it starts with seeing things as they really are, not through the lens of fear or urgency. The Satipatthana Sutta teaches us to treat thoughts as “just thoughts” – mental events, not facts.

There is a similar practice in psychology: learning to slow down and examine the story we tell ourselves. Because it is often not the situation, but the narrative that puts us at a standstill.

Try this quick reset:

• Name the story: “If I don’t fix this now, I’m going to lose readers.”

• Name the data: “Traffic returned to normal within 12 hours.”

• Run it with someone neutral: They often catch leaps of logic that we are too close to see.

If the story doesn’t survive the first gate, the entire solution often melts away with it.

2. Is it necessary?

Some time ago I was involved in a discussion about whether or not we should start another Facebook group for one of our niche sites. I spent hours sketching out plans and making mockups until my wife casually asked, “Wait…is the current funnel broken at all?”

It wasn’t. I just wanted to mess around.

Here is where non-attachment Buddhism does not ask us to suppress our ambitions—it asks us to loosen our grip. Even dharma, as the Buddha said, is like a raft: once it has helped you cross the river, you don’t tie it to your back and keep carrying it.

The same goes for brilliant ideas. Not every opportunity should be used.

Try this registration:

• Check time: Is there a real cutoff or am I making it up?

• Alternative cost: That I will no do if i solve it today?

When the urgency diminishes under careful control, you’ve probably just saved yourself a ton of unnecessary stress and saved your energy for the things that really matter.

3. Is it good or skillful?

A few years ago, I almost signed a lucrative advertising deal that would fill our mind with slimming tea. The money looked great. But something was not right.

This is where Gate 3 came into play.

In Buddhism, ahimsa-doing no harm is not being “good”. It is about choosing actions that reduce suffering and promote integrity. It is about skillful means, not about moral respect.

In practice, these gates often open in the body before the mind can catch up. Tight chest. The gut sinks. That nagging feeling that something is wrong, even when the numbers look good.

A few cues:

If the answer makes you anxious, it’s often wiser to revise the plan or walk away altogether.

Applying the filter to real life (5 minute workout)

• Breathe in and say: Two slow breaths. Silently name the thought: “planning,” “anxious,” “rushing.”

• Start the gate: Is this true? Is it necessary? Affectionate?

• Select or schedule: When all three gates open, go. If one of them gets stuck, set a microtask and revisit it later.

I’ve been using this workout daily for years and it has changed not only the way I make decisions, but the way I approach them. When I’ve shared this with friends and teammates, many have told me that it helped them sort through “decision clutter” almost immediately—sometimes within days.

A personal note: What changed for me

The funniest thing? When I started using this filter regularly, everything in my life became a little easier. Not because the chaos was gone, but because I wasn’t feeding it as much.

I stopped ending workdays morally fried. I have enough lucidity left to speak Vietnamese to my wife’s family over dinner (I’m still figuring out my tone, but at least I’m present).

This filter didn’t make me perfect. It just gave me a chance to take a breath, reassess and operate from a more stable place.

If you found this helpful, I’ll unpack more of these decision-making tools in my book, The Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How to Live with Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego. This is a guide on how to bring ancient understanding to modern noise – without the need for a monastery or a meditation cushion.

Common Objections (and Gentle Answers)

If the filter is not working

• Dependency loops: If the decision is made by dopamine (scrolling, gambling, etc.), the gate can be bypassed. That’s where outside support—accountability or professional help—can make a difference.

• Emotional deluge: When you are excited or overwhelmed, the rational gate is offline. In such cases, grounding comes first – breathing, movement or just time.

• Dangerous commands: If your group can’t speak openly, the truth check doesn’t work. Before implementing a filter at scale, invest in trust.

Gate scaling

• Team meetings: We now start Monday with a 60-second silence, then filter the big deals through three gates. Meetings became shorter and calmer.

• Advertising partners: Every offer is checked through Gate 3. Revenues remain high and reader complaints are down.

• At home: Now my wife and I pass the children’s purchases through the filter as well. Turns out Gate 2 can say no to a $900 smart cheat sheet.

Final thought

It’s natural to change your mind. The mind thinks that worry = control. But Buddhism offers a softer truth: clear intent trumps endless analysis.

Three goals does not guarantee perfect results. They simply help you move with clarity, honesty and peace of mind – even when things are uncertain.

Try it for a week. Just one week. And the next time you’re faced with fifty mango stands—or fifty business decisions—remember this tuk-tuk driver’s advice:

“Just pick one mate. A mango is a mango.”