Why you feel like a stranger in your own skin ⋆ LonerWolf

“I felt very quiet and empty, as the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully in the midst of the surrounding noise.” — Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

It’s a numb feeling when you look out the window.

It’s the disconnection you feel inside when you’re around others.

It is the feeling of the eternal outsider and lone wolf.

It’s a low-grade chronic, empty, all-encompassing feeling that you don’t belong anywhere.

What I am describing is a phenomenon self-alienation.

And this is something I rarely hear discussed anywhere.

Nevertheless, the feeling of distance from oneself affects everyone corner of your life. It is a type of trauma that is so pervasive, so silent, that it can sometimes go unnoticed for a lifetime.

If you keep running in circles, feeling stuck or trying to learn which way to take in life you may face the effects of alienation.

(Many thanks to Matteo Sol for coming across this powerful term in his research.)

Why self-alienation is inner homelessness

Alienation from your inner self is a form of inner homelessness because it is a disconnection from your inner truth and the light of your soul.

It’s like being a vagabond, wandering around in search of love, safety and peace – desperate to find those feelings anywhere but yourself.

If there is no one at home – if there is almost no sense of who you really are – you will suffer from feelings loneliness, emptiness, depression and anxiety.

The truth is that you unconsciously crave your own Soulbut because of the trauma, you have become estranged, detached, and detached from that reality.

How does alienation trauma occur?

The main character of the book by Albert Camus, Stranger, is a perfect example of the numbness and disconnection inherent in self-alienation. The book begins with the following words:

“Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I can’t be sure.”

There is a terrible feeling of disconnection. And as the book progresses, his alienation becomes more and more apparent.

The same theme of self-alienation is present in Franz Kafka’s book Metamorphoseswhere the main character Gregor wakes up one day to find that he has turned into an insect. This amazing event symbolizes his deep feeling self-alienationwhere does he write

“I can’t make you understand. I can’t make anyone understand what’s going on inside me. I can’t even explain it to myself.”

When we distance ourselves from ourselves, the inescapable truth is that we are disconnected from our feelings, desires, needs, and inner reality.

How does this injury happen?

As a rule, alienation occurs due to:

• Childhood trauma – having toxic, absent, or emotionally immature parents who do not reflect your needs for security and validation can lead to deep feelings of shame and inner disconnection
• Relationship trauma – In addition to parental bonds, romantic relationships can be another source of alienation, especially if you become involved with an abusive, chaotic, or narcissistic person
• Life crisis or dark night of the soul – existential and spiritual life crises can cause feelings of alienation, especially when our sense of meaning, direction, or personal worth suddenly disappears
• Aging and disease – aging and more frequent disease, as well as cognitive changes, can lead to feelings of alienation, especially since modern society devalues ​​the aging process.
• Social Networks – constantly looking outside yourself and being caught in an endless cycle of scrolling pings, notifications and death can lead to a deep sense of alienation.

What do you think might be causing your feelings of alienation? Let me know in the comments.

Forms of self-alienation

When we experience the trauma of self-alienation, we become “other” to ourselves, strangers—what the Spanish philosopher Ortega Gasset called “the other.”

Other is a form of dehumanization. In other words, self-alienation robs us of our own humanity. It is then that we adopt a false self to try to fill the inner hole of our own absence.

Here are some common ways that alienation manifests itself in human relationships:

1. Plays a tough role (achiever, mother, father, entrepreneur, boss, victim) with no room for nuance, expansion or evolution
2. Please people and trying to be what others want us to see
3. Self-mortification or constantly sacrificing oneself for others
4. Self-immersion and treating others as objects without seeing them as separate beings with their own inner lives
5. Not letting others in and pushing them away (self-isolation, self-sabotage, etc.)
6. Getting lost in cult movementsbeliefs or teachings
7. Codependency and entanglement in a relationship

9 signs of alienation trauma

I’m afraid it’s – Loneliness –

Creator of the soul

Her caves and her corridors

Illuminate — or seal —

— Emily Dickinson, The Loneliness One, I dare not sound

Self-alienation is a multifaceted, deeply rooted experience. Here are some signs that you may be experiencing it:

1. To feel like a stranger.
2. Lack of meaning and purpose.
3. Experiencing inner emptiness.
4. Difficulty recognizing or communicating your true feelings.
5. Trying to determine exactly who you are.
6. Chronic mild depression or anxiety.
7. Having a distorted, fragmented or absent sense of well-being.
8. Deep a feeling of loneliness and isolation.
9. Being the eternal underdog who doesn’t fit in.

Do you have more characters to add to this list? If so, let me know in the comments.

Healing Self-Alienation – 3 Profound Paths to Wholeness

Alienation is one of the biggest issues I have dealt with and continue to deal with in my life.

As a child raised in an abusive fundamentalist religious belief system, with two emotionally immature (and wounded) parents, I often felt alone and alienated from myself and life itself.

I learned early that playing a part and taking a false self were essential to my emotional and psychological survival. To this day I am still healing and learning to come home to myself. In fact, earlier today I realized that in the process of becoming a mother, I lost myself again. how? By allowing his old mode of self-care and inner work to be ruined. Now I am back on the path of self-healing, which is why I decided to write this article.

If you are suffering from alienation, I want you to know that the road to healing does not have to be difficult. But it takes commitment. It takes work. It may not sound sexy or fun, but it’s true.

So please choose one of the practices below and schedule it into your daily calendar. Don’t delay. to act Set a time each day to do one of the following activities and stick to it without making excuses. Healing is a delicate process, but it also requires inner strength and “toughness” to follow through.

1. Words, reflections and inner vision

Journal daily as if your life depended on it. I recently started being guided Keeps a journal like a stoic a workbook by Brittany Polat to help me learn how to deal with the stress of parenthood and juggle life. You may want to keep an open and unstructured journal, or you may want to follow a guided route like I did.

If you like the hand-holding route, I recommend starting with one of the following journals:

These are basic, deeply transformative and proven ways to come home to yourself.

If you want more niche magazines, I recommend “Mother is early” magazine. (if you have a difficult relationship with your mother) or Journal of Lunar Alchemy (follows the phases of the moon and aligns it with the inner workings). All of these magazines have been lovingly written, researched, designed and created by the lonerwolf team – and they’ve all been highly praised by our lovely community.

2. Silence, silence and solitude

Stop filling every second of your day with noise. Turn off your phone. Go outside. Or sit inside in silence. If you want to make the experience more pleasant, turn on soft music and light a candle.

To reconnect with myself you need to afford it to be with boredom and the discomfort of emptiness. If you need a meditation instructor, fine. Just make sure they don’t fill up the space with run-on words. The best meditation guides, in my experience, allow plenty of room for silence.

How can you come to your senses if you are constantly hyper-stimulated and distracted? Here is where three S’s come into action (silence, immobility, solitude).

3. Go to the essence of yourself

We all have four important landmarks that form the compass by which we navigate:

• Your main wound – the root of your trauma and pain
• Your core beliefs – the unconscious forces that drive your behavior
• Your basic needs – non-negotiable items necessary for a fulfilling life
• Your core values – the building blocks of your true purpose

To do personality tests and reading lots of self help books is great. These types of resources give you an idea of ​​who you tend to be on a surface level.

But don’t forget about these deeper parts you No one can give you a test or to tell you that these basic aspects of you. You have to do the work myselfso they’re probably less marketable and less sexual than 3-minute quizzes.

You can read my article on finding yours core wound and core beliefs to get started. These free tutorials have great exercises and high-quality advice.

But if you want a more simple, direct and profound way to find these four basic parts of yourself, see mine Soul Work Compass Course. It will help you find your core wounds, core beliefs, core needs and core values ​​with ease. You can register here now.

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Self-alienation is a growing phenomenon with the rise of artificial intelligence, the ubiquity of social media, and toxic individualism modernity.

Our society seems to be built on isolating us from our inner truth and reality. But we must not be fools. Nor do we have to remain eternal victims of childhood trauma. With a firm commitment (aka, develop a habit, stick to it!), we can come home to ourselves.

Tell me, what does alienation look like to you? What helped? I’d love to hear in the comments.