Some people are easy to be around. It’s not one big thing. These are a few small phrases that constantly appear in their conversation.
None of this is magic. Moreover, certain words make the other person relax, feel heard, feel that the interaction is safe. You can pick up these phrases. Most of them cost nothing, and I need to say a second.
Here are eight that tend to make someone really nice to hang out with.
1. “It’s a good moment”
Some people can’t give that little thank you to save their lives. They hear a decent idea and immediately look for a hole in it, or worse, reformulate it as their own.
The nice ones just say it. This is a good point.
You’ll notice how quickly the conversation will pick up when someone shows they’re actually listening instead of waiting their turn. This does not mean giving up the argument. You can agree on one point and still disagree on the whole. But when you give someone credit for an honest opinion out loud, you’re saying that their thoughts matter to you. People open up around anyone who makes them feel a little smarter, not a little less.
2. The real power of “I could be wrong”
See how different people react to someone who leaves the door open. I may be wrong about this, but that’s how I see it.
It instantly defuses disagreements.
A man who can never admit the possibility of being wrong, turns every chat into a competition. Someone who throws in a little insecurity gives the other person a chance to think out loud as well. This is not a weakness. It usually reads like genuine confidence that is not needed to win. You’ll find that people are much less likely to argue with you if you’ve already admitted that you can go.
Somehow it makes them want to find the truth with you instead of preempting you.
3. “Take your time”
Much of everyday life creates a faint pressure to hurry. A person deciding what to order, a colleague still finding a file, a friend searching for the right word. Most people radiate impatience without really knowing it.
The nice ones say take your time, and they mean it.
Those two words take a small burden off the person on the other end. Suddenly they won’t get in the way by holding things back. There’s something magnanimous about giving someone permission to take their time, especially in a world that’s always stomping its feet. You’ll notice that people find it easier to breathe next to someone who doesn’t silently want them to go faster. It shows that the person matters more than the schedule, and people can feel the difference right away.
4. When you say “tell me more about it”
Most people, having received a gap in the conversation, fill it with themselves. Someone mentions their trip and they’re already telling their own trip story. Nice ones do the opposite. They lean over.
Tell me more about it.
This is a small phrase that brings attention back to the other person. People are rarely asked to go on, to say the second or third thing they were thinking. When someone invites, they feel genuinely interesting, perhaps for the first time all day. You don’t need to be a great conversationalist to be great company. Often you just need to show your curiosity out loud and let the other person feel that you should hear more from them.
5. “Take your time, whenever it suits you”
There is a version of demanding things that comes with pressure and a version that doesn’t. Nice people have mastered the second.
Can you send it? Take your time when it works.
You will notice how much easier it is to help someone who is not above you. The phrase says I need it, but I also respect that you have a life. This is the difference between a request and a demand dressed up as a request. People end up wanting to do things for someone who has never made them feel cornered. Ironically, a relaxed question is often answered more quickly because no one is afraid of the interaction that comes with it.
6. “I really appreciate you”
Not what they did. Theirs. There is a small but real difference between saying thanks for the ride and saying I really appreciate you.
One is polite. Others land somewhere deeper.
People are used to being thanked for tasks and rarely say that they are appreciated as a person. When someone crosses that line, even by accident, it tends to stay. You will notice that the temperature of the friendship changes over time. It’s easy not to say it, assuming people know. Most of them don’t, not really. Nice people don’t store up their gratitude for big events. In simple words, they let people know that they are happy to see them around, more often than necessary.
7. Owning it with “it’s my fault”
See what happens when something goes wrong and one person just says it’s my fault. There’s no excuse for it, no, but neither are you.
The whole room exhales.
Most people, cornered by a mistake, are the first to reach for the defense. Explain, reject, blame. A man who can purely own his part is strangely disarming because it is so rare. It stops the tension, not feeds it. You’ll find that people trust someone more, not less, after they openly admit a mistake. This signals that the game is not in progress.
Few things make it easier to be around someone than knowing they won’t twist themselves into knots to avoid responsibility.
8. “How are you?”
The word really does all the work here. This signals to the interlocutor that the usual penalty will not be needed this time.
Most people are reflexes, and both know it.
Nice ones occasionally ask the real version and expect a real answer. It’s a little thing that can really mean something to someone, especially someone who’s been walking around pretending everything’s fine. You don’t have to do it all the time. But occasionally giving someone a chance to be honest about what’s going on is a gift of sorts. People remember who bothered to ask the second question, the one that really required a truthful answer.
A small experiment
The nice thing about all of these is that they are available to everyone, right now, for free. You don’t have to become a different person. In ordinary moments, you just need to find a little better words.
Pick one that strikes your fancy and give it a try this week.
