We often hear about inner peace, but it can be much more than a fleeting moment of calm after yoga or a perfect massage. Inner peace is actually our ability to let go of attachments and reactions to life’s events, leading to ease and clarity.
As a attentiveness skill, inner peace is the ability to let go of attachments and reactivity, based on an understanding of impermanence—the changing nature of our thoughts, emotions, and desires. When we rush and react, we can remind ourselves This too shall pass. The goal is not to deny what we feel, but to slow down the accelerated feelings. Once we return to inner stillness, we can look at the source of our reactivity, seeing its changing nature up close: it is what sets us free.
Once we return to inner stillness, we can look at the source of our reactivity, seeing its changing nature up close: it is what sets us free.
As a practice, inner peace is the art of stopping, looking, and letting go for healing and clarity. It involves physical self-control and peace of mind. It can be seen as the ultimate balm for your soul—like a cool breeze on a hot day. Inner peace brings ease to both body and mind. In the body, relaxation is felt in the muscles and as a general feeling of lightness. In the mind, inner peace creates space to hold everything without attachment or resistance. Conversely, a lack of inner peace can manifest as restlessness in the body and agitation or reactivity in the mind.
In our search for inner peace, we can often wish for more, but surprisingly, true inner peace is achieved when we give up our desires, even the very desire for inner peace – a catch 22 if ever there was one. This paradox becomes apparent when we consider the case of a client dealing with anxiety who turned to meditation to ease his mind. Surprisingly, he felt even more anxious after the meditation. He hoped that meditation would improve his sleep, but was disappointed when he noticed his restlessness during it body scan meditationwhich only seemed to make his sleeping problems worse.
Moral here? In order to find peace, he had to let go of his expectations of finding peace. To let go, he learned to see three obstacles to mindfulness: running in circles (a restless mind), pulling (trying to fall asleep), and pushing (frustration with his restlessness). With practice, he learned to accept his restless mind, which softened the yearning and frustration, and he was able to find ease even when he couldn’t sleep, which eventually allowed him to sleep.
Refusing to commit to certain outcomes, however, does not mean that we suppress or shy away from difficult situations. Instead, this release happens organically as we realize that emotions arise and disappear—all within ninety seconds.
Ninety-second rule
Inner peace is not about suppressing, denying, or avoiding our emotions. When we don’t give in to the urge to react, we cultivate the ability to stay with the discomfort (knowing that emotions are physiological responses in the body that come and go). Just as happiness caused by external events does not last, neither do negative emotions. Have you heard of the ninety-second rule? Neurologist Jill Bolt Taylor shows in her book My Stroke of Insight: A Neuroscientist’s Personal Journey that all emotions have a beginning, middle, and end—all within ninety seconds of their first occurrence.
The reason we continue to feel negative emotionssometimes for days, weeks, or even years, is that we continue to fuel those feelings with our stories. Instead, when we stop and allow the emotions to move through our bodies, we create space in our minds to better understand what they are trying to tell us. Instead of suppressing or using positive thinking to bypass our experiences, we can create an alliance with our feelings. By doing this, we can discover how they are trying to protect us, satisfy our unmet needs, or draw our attention to new information in the environment.
Rule Ninety Two is a helpful reminder to ride the waves of our emotions, but emotions can sometimes be so strong that they take over our rational thought process. In such situations, it is helpful to remember where these emotions come from—deep in the past, when we were hunter-gatherers against real tigers!
How inner peace supports resilience
Much of our life is marked by perceived threats to our identity, career, or relationship. Our primal responses—fight-flight-freeze—can be unhelpful when it comes to coping with these daily psychological and social stresses. Solving the problems common to today’s world requires clarity and creativity, but our response is the opposite—fight, flight, or freeze. This evolutionary response to any threat is automatic and unconscious.
Solving the problems common to today’s world requires clarity and creativity, but our response is the opposite—fight, flight, or freeze.
When our emotions are triggered in such a way that we can’t think or see clearly, it’s called “amygdala capture,” a term popularized by emotional intelligence expert Daniel Goleman. The amygdala is the emotional center of the brain. One of its functions is to scan the environment for threats and prepare the body for an emergency response. When it spots a threat, such as a tiger hiding in the bushes, it sends an immediate signal to release the stress hormones — epinephrine and cortisol — that heighten the emergency response. Blood stops flowing to the organs and instead pools in the extremities to prepare us for fight or flight. Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex (which is responsible for thinking and making executive decisions) shuts down because there is no time to think and analyze when we are faced with a situation that the brain perceives as life-threatening.
It is said that during amygdala seizure our IQ temporarily drops by ten to fifteen points. Perhaps this explains the feeling after we have responded to a verbal trigger: What was I thinking when I said that? This is exactly the point. We stop thinking rationally. It also impairs memory, so we can’t remember anything good about the person we’re having a conflict with, or why we can’t find our keys during a panic attack. Being in a constant state of fight or flight from current threats also compromises the integrity of other systems such as immunity and digestion.
Cultivating inner calm is an important step in avoiding amygdala seizure so that we can think clearly even in very stressful situations. Using practices to bring inner peace, such as mindful breathing, helps to slow down rising emotions and allows the parasympathetic nervous system to activate so we can think clearly again. Another activity that prompts the prefrontal cortex to start thinking again is “writing” or “labeling.” The act of marking or labeling our emotions causes the prefrontal cortex to reestablish a healthy connection with the amygdala and avoid hijacking. Inner peace allows us to learn and improve or give us a deeper understanding of the “what” and “why” behind our actions. We can replace tension and misunderstanding with harmony and understanding. Inner peace is key sustainability in relationships and life in general.
Where are you on the continuum of inner peace?
You can strengthen your capacity for inner peace, no matter the circumstances. First, notice when you are calm and when you are not. Next, notice the causes and conditions that promote calmness and what prevents you from being calm. By developing the habit of calming your mind and body, you will develop the ability to access this place more quickly and easily.
Daily practice: one minute rest
Having rested, we again take care of the necessary things and
the right people in the right way.
— David White
Take time a day, several times a day if possible, to empty the cup and make room for what matters. You can do this very quickly by contacting your body.
- Any tension or tightness in the body is a clue that you cling to that which demands your love. You cannot let go without knowing exactly what you are trying to let go of. Simply paying attention to where you are holding tension can help you identify the emotions and thoughts associated with that tension.
- Once you can see the cause of your tensionyou can find a solution. It also clarifies when you empty your cup, when you empty your cup, align with your intentions – what are you making room for?
- Return. Rest for one minute and return to your body. Rub your palms and place them over your eyes, let them rest. Move your hands to your jaw line, neck, shoulders, chest, or wherever you feel comfortable.
- Listen. Listen inside. What can you let go of in this moment to make room for what matters?
- Start. Begin the session with a relaxed body and mind according to what matters.
Try practicing and playing this reminder with your family, team members, and in your community before you start a meeting or activity together.
Excerpt from the book Returning to Mindfulness: Breaking Bad Habits for Personal Fulfillment, Effective Leadership, and Global Impact Shalini Bahl Milne. Copyright © 2024 Shalini Bahl Milne. Republished with permission of the author. Return to Mindfulness will be available on Amazon on January 18, 2024.
